Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize