So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
