when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
