Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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