At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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