Will you blow on my dice?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
