WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
even my farts smell like vagina
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
