definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
