the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
