im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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