we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
