apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize