i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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