Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
