this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
