I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This is my gift to your gina
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize