I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
