I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
