He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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