I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
