Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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