sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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