There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
