Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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