my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
