where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
