Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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