I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Me too!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
