I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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