It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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