i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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