is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
