It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
