I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize