all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
