We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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