Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
