We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize