you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
