I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
