I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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