did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
