if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
