yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
