Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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