ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
