I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
