i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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