I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
