Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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