he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize