its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
