we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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