did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
