This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
