I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
