it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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