I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
