I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
