The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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