Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
