i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
