i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
