Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize