Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
