So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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