When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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