I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
