There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
