I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
