he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
