he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
