I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize