in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
