I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
