im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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