Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize