Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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