: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
