I'm so fucking centered right now
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
