If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
