can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
