anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he thought i was a dude.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
