so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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