omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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