I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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