Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
