Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
