When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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