I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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