I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
