Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
