hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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