oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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