there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
