was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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