Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize