we made out on top of his cat.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
