Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
