so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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