oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
