i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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