but the lizard people decide everything anyway
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
