I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
